6 month’s Later… July 14, 2011

Okay so really it has only been like 5 months…but 6 sounds so much better huh?

So much has changed since my last post…So much! As I looked back and read what I wrote I understood so much of how I’ve been feeling. When I wrote those words they were from raw emotions. While what I said was true, it was me blowing off steam. Now I am much more reserved and can look back on my job as a youth minister in a much better light. What went wrong…what went right…how do I make it better.

What I can say about it all is that…I got burnt out. I was burnt out for many reason.

1) I was putting my youth ministry first…even over God. As a youth group we became unfocused and it was starting to unravel. I think towards the end I was realizing this and preparing to fix it. Getting back to the focus only being on God and worshiping and growing in him.

2) I was doing so many things I was wearing myself out. It’s funny because I was picked to lead a workshop at Senior High Assembly on Priorities, Balance and Discernment. But with the past 6 (i mean 5) months, I have really put a lot back into perspective and figured out where my priorities in both my personal life and in my youth ministry need to be. Needless to say I have learned a lot thru preparing for this class.

3) I was at my church for 3 years. During those 3 years we had 3 different pastors. THIS IS HARD!!!!! They all have different expectation and ideas and I am a people pleaser perfectionist! I want to do everything and do it perfect. In my full-time job, I have become very good at this balancing act, but as a part-time youth minister I had not. You always want to give your best to God and to the church you are serving, which means as the leader you need to set your goals and priorities and follow those. This is much easier when the church as a whole has one vision and goal and my church did not. But really how could they with changing pastor once a year.

and last but not least….

4) I was not listening to God. He had been telling me it was time to move on and I kept saying…”just a little more time God…3 more months.” Well God of course does not like it when I do this so he had to get my attention. And boy did he! It is still a huge issue for me that my integrity was questioned. Each time it was the same type of situation, and I still stand firm to what I said each time. Fortunately for me, this same thing has happened with other employees and people in the church with the same person that questioned my integrity so I know that it is not all me. But it is not the knowledge that other people’s integrity is being questioned without cause that has made me feel better, it is that God spoke to me on his love for me and how I needed to depend on him more. That true faith will help me through and bring me to the other side if only i will just trust and listen to him!

My church was a challenge on many levels besides even just the burn out. It really taught me a lot about myself, my beliefs, my convictions and my love for teaching youth about God. My faith and time with God during these past several months have really been good for me. It has gotten me back on track and refreshed and ready to minister again. I am so looking forward to Junior and Senior High Assembly and immersing myself in worship and getting the opportunity to teach and lead a small group again! I am pumped and excited about being in charge of Veritas and bringing it up to Northwest Arkansas this year, and I am hoping that I find a church soon that I can begin a new revitalized ministry in. Where I have my priorities set straight from the beginning.

So I talked about what all went wrong with my youth ministry towards the end…but what about what went right…A million things went right…way more than the wrong.

1)The youth grew in their faith. I got to walk along side them as so many of them took their child-like faith and began to make it deeper and began to have a real relationship with God. Whether they were learning from a Bible study or a book study. They really began taking those steps to deepen their faith. They began trusting God and using their Bible as a means to learn his truth.

2)The youth grew in their prayer life. I watched them go from a group that wouldn’t pray aloud in front of each other to a group that would pray on the spot whenever was needed. I watched them bring many of their parents back to church and begin teaching their faith to others.

3)The youth grew in numbers. When I started there was only a sibling group of 3 that attended regularly. With my arrival I was able to gain 3 more youth giving it a total of 6. These kiddo’s did not get along and sometimes it felt like I was in a loosing battle. But I had faith in my God and I knew he put me in this youth group for a reason. It took a year to teach them to not fight and to focus their attention on God. By the time I left we had 14 regular attending and 5-6 extra that had been coming regularly to events. During years 2 and 3 was when I prayed for boys in my ministry. I had all girls and 1 boy for a while. I prayed and I prayed….and God answered turning the table to where I had more boys in the group than girls. This was literally the coolest thing I watched God do!

4)The youth grew in Leadership. They became active in not only their local church but on district and conference levels as well. On the local level, many youth took leadership position in the youth group and in the church. They planned events, created prayer stations and served on church committees. When I started, many people in the church looked down on the youth but as the youth grew in leadership I noticed that they became an example that many of the church members cited when talking about what they were accomplishing. On this district they have been a leading force, holding offices and planning their events with the many skills they have learned. And finally on the conference level they have served on their task force committees and taken their knowledge to a larger audience. They learned to focus on God when leading and show his love and leadership through their actions and planning.

5)They grew in service. They loved going to work camps and serving in their community. Whether it be building a wheelchair ramp or visiting with an elderly member of the congregation.

6)We had Fun. After they started getting a long we had a blast together. Whether it was having a bible study and getting into an intense conversation or being silly and goofy in a car ride on the way to camp/retreat! I love those teenagers more than words could say! And I know they love me too. One of the greatest things about leading a small church ministry is the extremely close relationship you are able to produce! I think I have gone through everything with them…

I could go on and on…but I will stop. I think you all get the idea!

I am thankful for this time I have had to learn and grow! I am thankful for being able to write about it and not be afraid….but more than anything I am thankful that I have such a wonderful, loving, forgiving, kick me in the but when I need it God, who I know will always lead me in the right direction.

So until next time,

Kj

The Whirlwind Called My Life February 20, 2011

I feel like my life has been a whirlwind the past several months. Like I’ve been sucked in by a tornado and survived and am changed for the better! I know that everything is going to be alright now…it just has really sucked having to go through it all. Why do things have to come to this? Why do I have to make these tough choices? Why can’t it be like it was when I was a little kid? ?? The only thing I know for certain is that I have an all mighty God watching over and taking care of me! So even when my life is a crazy mess I know that it is all going to work out in the end!

So where does my story start? Well, really I think we can go back to a little over a year ago when I began counseling. What I learned through counseling is that I had suppress my feelings and emotions and stopped living life daring and free. I was letting all the “crap” of life bog me down and take a hold of me and so in response I just stopped living it. Going through the motions and not doing anything for me. This last year was the year of self-discovery. The year that told me to stop being such a baby and get off my butt and do something about it! I continually tell people that the only person that can change how you view things and change your actions is you and no one else. I would tell people this all the time but I never did it myself. Slowly put surely I began to speak out and speak up for myself. I grabbed the bull by its horns and took off!

Now we come to this year and I feel I am headed into the era of Karen! An all new season in my life where the focus is all about me! Getting me better, healthier, stronger and ready to start a family of my own. What sucks about this decision is the sacrifices I’ve had to make. I knew my youth ministry job was interfering and my focus was drifting from being about them. That internal clock that tells you when it’s time to move on to a new adventure was ringing it’s bell and I ignored it for months. I continually said…I’ll just give it 3 more months and then see how I feel about it. Well I did that for around  months, and I was headed into the third trimester of putting it off! I was doing good too.

Then tragedy struck. I can say I am easy to get a long with and I am an efficient and skilled worker. I can also say that I take notes, stay organized and generally stay on top of things. I know that with all of these things I can really mess it up from time to time. It’s just part of being human! But if there is one thing that I can be known for is my work ethic and my integrity. My integrity is a huge issue with me! I can not stand it when someone questions my integrity. I work to create a high moral standard for myself both personally and professionally. I admit my mistakes and share my victories and stay as truthful as I can during the process. This need to protect my integrity comes from the abuse. I wasn’t believed and told i had just “misunderstood” then so I put everything into my life now and every time someone questions my integrity it is like they throwing my past back in my face and rubbing in that I wasn’t believed. I know that this is not always a rational thought pattern but it is what it is.

There are too many things going on in my life right now: weight loss – bariatric surgery; moving to the new shelter (nwacs); wanting to spend time doing things I enjoy; finances; marriage. All these things had been pressing on me for months yelling their desperate cry for me to pay attention to them, but I continually pushed them to the side. In my job at the church I had let my integrity be questioned pass several times by certain people. It was excruciating. Finally after about the third time this had happened I said ENOUGH and I put in my resignation.  I had to many things I had to focus on and something has to go. This killed me because I LOVE THOSE TEENAGERS! They were the best (and sometimes the worst) part of my week. They make me HAPPY! There is a saying, I don’t know who said it “success is making a difference in someones life, Happiness is from watching them grow because of it,” or something to that nature. That’s how they make me feel! Watching them grow and learn in God and changing because of it. It truly changed me! It literally kills me to be walking away from that. But what else could I do? Power through? Pray harder? Keeping pushing down the path that was ultimately leading to my destruction.

The truth is the purest form of church is great! The idea and practices and everything! But the politics ruin it!!!! We spend too much time focused on the rules and not the relationship! I don’t think God cares if I wear jeans to church and act silly with the youth that I am mentoring. People want me to come off like I am a puppet that keeps only peace and order and that I drills the Bible into the heads of the young teenagers. Well guess what…It’s NOT going to happen. I am about relationship. I am about finding God in our everyday lives. I am about teaching Youth how to use the bible as a tool that can effectively change their lives and giving them the resources and the skills to help them make those “Hard” decision that makes their lives feel out of control. I am about teaching youth how to pray and learn to surrender their whole life to God, to be still in his presence and let him hold you and comfort you. I am about walking along side life with them, not hovering over them as a dictator or Christ Nazi! I believe true faith comes from relationships, relationships that teach us to rely on and have a personal relationship with God.

So I quit my church job! I couldn’t take the politics anymore! I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was the right decision for me to make. But it’s hard because of the relationships I have built with those teenagers! They are so amazing and I wanted to stay in their lives forever!!! But the truth is. Even without the job I can! Just because I will not be their youth director anymore doesn’t mean I will not be a guiding adult in their lives. We’ve been though so much! And when I say much…you wouldn’t believe some of it! I am excited about getting to do life with them on this level. Not as a church leader but a loving adult that they have to rely on! It is going to be a hard and scary change but one that I think will turn out okay in the end.

So again like I said the past few months have been a whirlwind! Tossing me around and trying to tear me down but there is hope and faith. And with those things I know that small light at the end of the tunnel is going to get closer and closer and I will break thru to the daylight and  keep moving on!

Until next time -

KJ

My 43 Things…. January 10, 2011

So my friend Coleman recently posted a list he had made of the 43 things he wanted to do in life. I thought this was a cool idea so I totally made one myself. So below are my 43 things! I hope you enjoy the list…I think you can learn a lot about a person based on what they want to accomplish in life! Make your own list at www.43things.com

I am going to 43 things

1. write a Youth Ministry book 1 person
2. Get healthy 1052 people
3. put hardwood down on our floors in living room 1 person
4. Organize my garage 41 people
5. go on a Disney cruise 47 people
6. Go on an Alaskan Cruise 214 people
7. Go to California (San Francisco, Hollywood etc…) 1 person
8. Go to Mt. Rushmore 3 people
9. go on a mission trip to somewhere in need 1 person
10. have the entire I Love Lucy Barbie collection 1 person
11. bring people to Christ 17 people
12. walk in a race 2 people
13. take a painting class 152 people
14. take a drawing class 91 people
15. Own a book of Kandinsky's paintings 1 person
16. read the bible all the way through 56 people
17. take a creative writing course 36 people
18. Get my Youth Ministry Certification 1 person
19. go to Perkins School of Youth Ministry 1 person
20. lay out and read by the ocean 1 person
21. go to Italy 2756 people
22. Go to Paris 2139 people
23. go to London 1009 people
24. take a photography class 1646 people
25. Read C.S. Lewis book “Mere Christianity” 1 person
26. See the Musical “The Last Five Years” 1 person
27. See a Broadway musical, on Broadway 154 people
28. Go to NYC 293 people
29. read poetry while sitting in Central Park in NYC with my husband 1 person
30. become a foster parent 194 people
31. read pride and prejudice 98 people
32. Go to graduate school 1198 people
33. go see the KC Royal's play 1 person
34. Meet Meg Cabot 4 people
35. be a mom 476 people
36. learn to cook healthy meals 24 people
37. read 100 books in a year 115 people
38. keep my blog going for over a year!!!! 1 person
39. train a dog to be a therapy Dog 1 person
40. own a big dog 28 people
41. Read John Wesley's Sermons 1 person
42. adopt a child 1703 people
43. write a book 29071 people

Friendship Series – The Boy Next Door January 10, 2011

It was August 6, 1984 when I first meet Joseph. It was my 3rd birthday and I remember the day like yesterday. My family lived in Truman and we periodically went to visit Jonesboro to see my grandparents. There was a 4 way old blinking stop light in the middle of town that signified that I was only 15 minutes away from seeing my grammy and grampy! As a three-year old I couldn’t wait! But more than that, this day was special because it was my birthday and my parent’s  had a big surprize waiting for me at my grandparents house. As we turned the right corner onto Jean drive I saw it. A beautiful blue and white striped swing set.  It had two swings and a small slide. I couldn’t wait to get out of the car and play on it. That’s when I meet him. As I was going to play the neighbors across the street brought their two-year old son over to play. This was the beginning of our friendship, one that would take us through extreme highs and extreme lows, but etched a million tiny memories into my heart.

Joseph was my first best friend. We were summer friends. By the time I was four, my family was already living in Rogers and so I only spent a couple of weeks each summer with my grandparents in Jonesboro. Looking back it seemed like we spent all three months of each summer together when in reality it was only just a couple of weeks to a month. Each summer brought a new adventure and many traditions that followed us through our teenage years. We always stayed at my grandparents house. I have very few memories of playing or being in his house. My grandparents house was your standard 3 bedroom 2 full bath house with  the dining room, living room and kitchen all connected but divided by a half wall with brown wooden rails going up to the ceiling the rest of the way. The front bed room was the guest room and the back bedroom on the left was my grandpa’s and the one the right was my grandma’s. Joseph and I spent the majority of my time playing in my grandmother’s room. 

From age five we began a yearly tradition of creating our own radio show each summer. I do not remember the first one although we have a recording of it. It was made on our brown playskool cassette player with its attached microphone. We were singing “I’ve had the time of my life” from dirty dancing except it sounded more like this: “I’ve had the time of my life, I’ve never felt this way be or, yes i swear, it’s the tooth, and I owe it all to you.” Later after listening to this we would be baffled that at 5 years old we knew the words to that song and began watching Dirty Dancing together each summer while eating crackers. On the tape we also were playing the game “Trouble” and jumping on the bed. We then decided to do a weather forecast and commentate on the big battle between Jesus and the Devil. I remember it was sunny and cloudy with a chance of rain, and Jesus and the Devil were going to fight so we had better all stay inside. It was something like that at least.  As we grew older so did our radio show. We named it KJLR: your favorite radio station. We had a jingle and everything. It stood for Karen and Joseph in Little Rock. Which really if I remember correctly the only reason we used LR was cause it sounded more radioish and Little Rock was the only thing we could come up with. Afterall, we were only 10. We would record conversation just like they did on the radio and then use our double cassette radio to add in a song or two. Garth Brooks was always a popular choice with us.

The other thing that I remember most about summers was Baseball. We always played outside on the street in between our two houses. Jean drive was a small street. It only had 4 house on it. Two on each side and Joseph’s and my grandparents were on the end of the street. Just beyond the other end was the large wooden privacy fence  that covered the front of our friend Josh’s house. Joseph and I would use his mail box as first base. My grandparent’s mail box as second a tree in my grandparents yard as our third base and the middle of the road as home plate. It was more of a box instead of a diamond but we didn’t mind. One summer we were playing baseball. I was the pitcher and Joseph was the batter. We were cat-calling each other and being obnoxious children. I drew back and threw the ball as hard as I could and Joseph hit the ball. We both watched (Joseph of course running) as the ball flew over Josh’s fence. Joseph stopped running and we started freaking out and jumping up and down screaming. This was the farthest either of us had ever hit the ball and we were simply amazed. Upon retrieving the ball I made Joseph sign it and I kept it. I kept this ball and it traveled with me all the way thru college. I would still have it to this day except it was in a box that was stolen from me one summer. But that is another story.

After a good game of baseball, Joseph and I would go sit under the car port to rest. Joseph always in the blue chair and me in the pink. While we sat there we would reflect on our summer adventures of the day and imagine what it would be like when we were 13…then when we were 16… etc… We asked all the timeless questions: Will we be friends still? Will we have boy/girlfriends? Will I still come in the summer? They were all silly innocent questions. The one we never thought to ask was…Would Joseph ever move? I remember the getting the letter in the mail (and I still have this letter today) where Joe wrote to say he was moving. At first I was horrified. I thought I would never see him again. Then I continued to read the letter. As it turned out his parents had decided to move to Bella Vista! I was beyond elated! For once Joseph and I could hang out all year-long! No more long distance phone calls or summer adventures. We were going to have new adventures and get to see each other all the time! I called Joseph immediately and he had figured out how close Bella Vista was to Rogers as well. We talked about all the adventures we were going to have and how cool it was we would finally be able to hang out all the time!

Joseph moving up here signaled a turning point in our friendship. First because it my childhood friend was now going to be part of my life on a full-time basis. And second because by now we were entering our teenage years and starting to explore our friendship in other ways. I had invited him over to my friend Ashley’s house for a swimming party. We were having so much fun. When Ashley decided we should all play spin the bottle. This was mine and Joseph’s first kiss. It was such an innocent kiss like the ones you see in movies where both people have their lips all scrunched up and just barely give each other a peck. It was pretty adorable when you look back at it! Later on Ashley dared us to make out under the covers of her bed. So we did. I don’t know if it was just that we were comfortable with each other or just wanted to do it. But we did. Joseph was a good kisser. That I remember. We kissed often after that, but it was never more than just kissing and making out. We never really talked about it either it was just something we did, for fun I guess. Looking back I don’t remember having romantic feelings for Joseph, nor do I today. I think I was just curious and Joseph was safe. (Sorry Joe!) But on the other hand, I don’t think Joseph thought of me in a romantic way either. It was what it was, two friends testing their relationship I guess.

Here’s the other thing about mine and Joseph’s friendship. I was ALWAYS over critical of him and what he did. One summer in Jonesboro, he came to my house and smelled of smoke. I yelled at him and refused to talk to him for days after that. By the time we were 16 our friendship started to slowly drift apart. Not because we wanted it to but because Joseph had fallen into some bad stuff and I was my usual over critical self and couldn’t just back down and be a friend. It is one of those If I knew then what I knew now type things. I hate the way I treated Joseph during these years. We stayed in touch but never really hung out anymore. Then eventually I lost touch with him completely. That is until recently when he finally got a facebook account. So now we are facebook friends and I get to see his life through his pictures and posts. He is now married and has two beautiful children. His son looks so much like him! I am hoping to reconnect with him and his family and make them a part of my life. Because a friendship like ours is really one in a million. He will always be my boy next door.

Friendship Series Intro! January 4, 2011

I want to write a YA (young adult) novel! I have a great story line and wonderful characters already sorted out. Right now I’m still getting to know my characters. I’m not the type of writer that can just write and magically come up with things or remember who likes what and whom and whatever. So I write it all out in a notebook. I make full character bio’s and write out any important details I will want to remember. It is a little obsessive but one thing I have already found in writing my book is there was a huge glitch with one of my characters and the story line. It just didn’t work so I had to go  back and revise! I wouldn’t have caught it with out writing out my character bio’s. And that would have caused undo stress later on when I was further along in my story.

Anyways…moving on….

So, I think one of the things that i need to work on when I write is descriptive writing. I am okay at this as it is but I would like to work and perfect it a little more. So to do that I thought I would begin a blog series based on my relationships with my closest friends and family. I think there are separate stories of each friend or family member that has impacted me significantly and there are definitely funny stories involved because well..I’m just a funny person! Especially with my friends! So while these will be works of non-fiction, on some of my friend you aren’t going to get the entire story but you will get most of it! I already have a list of about 14 people I am going to write about and I am sure more will come as I write. So again if you are one of my friends and you have fears…rest assured I will not write anything incriminating or bad about you! My hope is for it to be more of a reflective narration of our friendship! I think you will be pleased with what I write and I look forward to hearing your opinions as well as everyone elses!

So with that in mind…my first victim will be my childhood bff and my very first friend…Joseph! Keep a look-out for it!!!!! It’s gonna be awesome!

KJ

2010 Reflections January 1, 2011

So,  it is finally 2011! YAY!!!

I am a person of reflection so each new year I like to think about the good things that happened that past year and take a look at my life, where I am and how I want to improve. So I think I will share my process with you all…

Karen’s 2010 greatest moments!!!!

1) Getting named Northwest District Youth Coordinator for the Arkansas Conference. I am so trilled to have this position for many reasons. It gives me a chance to give back to my church and my community. It is a lot of work, especially because the Northwest District was falling apart when I took it over in March. Though I am still only 9 months into this journey, I have seen gigantic progress. I am proud of the youth that are serving on the committee I lead and their commitment and dedication to providing the youth in Northwest Arkansas’s United Methodist Church with a chance to come together for worship and fellowship! I am looking forward to getting more things settled and going with the district level.  Also with this, I was put on a committee for one of the events that the Conference puts on. I was assigned VERITAS, which is one of my favorite events. Upon getting this, Michelle, our fearless conference coordinator, informed me that she is training me to lead the committee in the years to come for this event. This is exciting because I have a lot of opinions and ideas as far as VERITAS is concerned and I am looking forward to planning and bringing VERITAS into the next stage of Conference Ministry!

2) Going to JYMO (Jurisdiction Youth Ministry Organization). This was an awesome experience on many levels. First, it was my first trip to texas! Can you believe after 28 years of life I still had never been to Texas! Well it was grand! But what I loved even more was the Conference in  itself. At JYMO, I made a lot of connections on the Jurisdiction Youth Level of the UMC. I also was able to bring the youth in the youth group that I serve and they were able to meet people from all over our Jurisdiction and see youth leadership at it’s finest! I think the thing I like most about JYMO was that the youth were the leaders of this conference. The adults helped yes but the youth were made the stars of the show. The adults were (it seemed) in the backdrop and only helped when needed. I was a small group leader and my small group was led by this amazing 14-year-old boy who you could tell definitely had been taught great small group leading skills and leadership skills! It was a blessing to see youth ministry happen that way!

3) Vacation – This was huge! I got to see so many things. The Grand Canyon, Hoover Dam, Meteor Crater, Volcanoes,the town of Bedrock, the town that the movie “Cars was based on, the painted desert, the petrified forest and last but not least EVERYTHING IN VEGAS! I seriously feel in love with Vegas! I don’t gamble or drink so those parts of Vegas did not appeal to me, but the town itself with everything there was to do and see! I fell in love! ”

4)Getting the Education Assistant at the Children’s Shelter! One of the most stressful things in my life is my jobs! I am a perfectionist and can not stand to do things only half way. So work has been hard for me because there was just not enough time to get everything finished. I finally took it in my own hands and created a presentation for the board to get an Education Assistant. I did all the work necessary including taking my job description and for each bullet point wrote down the areas I was struggling in, how it was affecting the children and a possible solution for each, then I rewrote my job description and schedule and the job description and schedule for the Education Assistant. Then on top I wrote a nice letter of appeal to the board of director’s explaining the packet, history of the education Coordinator’s position and why the proposal should be accepted. And do you know what….IT PAID OFF!!!!!! Danica will get to start soon and I can not wait to really be productive and create better programs for our kids at the shelter! I’m so stinking excited! It just goes to prove, when you put the work in and go about making a change in the right way it can really be changed!

5) Books!!!! I read 80 books this year! This is an accomplishment for me because I used to hate reading. I know this is a little weird, but I literally write down every book I read as well as how long it took me to read it and I rate it on a scale of 1-5 (5 being awesome).  Like I said strange but, it wasn’t until I read Harry Potter that I even had an interest in reading. Now I just want to read like crazy and I like to look back and be able to see what books I enjoyed. Now I want to write. I have alway had a dream to become a writer but never really thought I could do it! Well now I feel I have had the experience of reading several different styles and types of books that I know the genre and layout I want to write and I have a great idea and storyline for my first YA novel! We will see how it pans out but I’m excited about doing it.

6) Meeting the Bag Ladies. This is still  fairly new group of girls that I get to be involved with for Bible Study at Skia. You see the idea is that we search for God together just like we search through our handbags for something. Sometimes it’s right there on top and sometimes we have to dig deep down to find what we are looking for, but we have each other to help guide us through it.  I have only gotten to be with them a few times but since I began they have welcomed me and embraced me and made me feel like one of them. The holiday season has taken me away from several meetings with them but I look forward to getting back on schedule and having a time with other women who love God to come together and share our lives and faith with each other. I have adored the women I’ve met so far in the group: Claire, Cassie, Mary and Leta. There are a few other I’ve met briefly and look forward to getting to know all of them better. They have truly been a blessing in my life!

So now we can move on to my 2010 new years resolution. Last year I quit making them because I would never carry them out. I always made them too complex and hard. Making charts and timetables for what and how I would do it…No seriously I did you can go back in my private journals and actually see them. Well not really because I’m not going to let you read that journal! Anyways so January 2010 I said…”My only resolution is to just be the best that I can be and take whatever steps I see necessary to make me a better person.” This was great for me because it had no charts or timetables. It was all about accepting who I am and moving forward with my life. It lead me counseling, which taught me about who I was and how I was hiding my true self behind this person I had become. It taught me that I am worth it and that when I was young I was independent and brave and fearless. I know now that I am ready to be that person again and I know that I am already well on the way to discovering how to be her again!

So in 2011, I am making the same resolution. I was to continue to be a better me. I am excited and scared out of my mind about bariatric surgery and what all that will entail, but i know that is essential to getting the fearless Karen back. It is such a scary step, but at the same time it is almost the only one I have left. My alternatives are die having surgery or die a slow painful death watching everyone around me enjoy life while I grow fatter and fatter. Now as I say that I want to make sure you all understand that I do not let my weight hinder me in my activities. However it has just come to that. Now I have back problems which means that I literally can not go hiking, dance, twirl my baton, play basketball/volleyball,  walk my dogs or do any of the other things I love to do. It hurts me that I now have to sit out on these things and it hurts the kids and teens I work with. The last time I started Jenny Craig, many of the youth I work with expressed to me how happy they were about me loosing weight because they want me to be able to do more! Talk about a wake up call! I love those teenagers and they mean the world to me so hearing it from them was really a huge deal that has called me more into action.

I also think getting my life a little more organized and developing a way for me to do my hobbies that I love (beading, painting, scrapbooking, writing) each day so that I take time for me. I give and give and give some more! I rarely take time to be “just Karen” and do the things I love to do! So that I think in a nutshell is where I see me going in 2011. Begin my weight loss surgery journey and make time to be “just Karen” each day! I think both of these things will help me to be a better version of me and keep my moving towards God’s work he has me called to do! I am excited and anxious to see where 2011 will take me

Happy New Year Folks!

KJ

“Easy A” Movie Review December 29, 2010

So tonight I got to watch the movie “Easy A” Staring one of my favorite aspiring actresses, Emma Stone. I absolutely loved this movie! It had the humor and witness that I enjoy. While saying I loved it there were some things that really caught me off guard.

1)I didn’t like the way that they stereotyped Christian’s. This is pretty common in a lot of movies but this movie definitely went overboard. But by the same token as a person who adored the movie “Saved,” I saw the humor in what they were trying to do. As in “Saved” they overdid the “christian” character to the point where it was ridiculous! I see the comedic effect they are trying to pull off and I think they do. I almost think without overdoing the “christian” character you lose why people are so upset with Olive.

2) I liked Olive and her parent’s relationship. Now I know that those who have seen this movie might be surprised by that, but their relationship was very similar to the relationship I have with my mom. Not nearly as graphic though. Sex was always an open topic in our house and I was never ashamed or felt awkward about talking to my mom about it. That’s not to say that it didn’t embarrass me or that I would even talk to my mom about it. It was just an open understanding that it was okay to talk about those topics. I’m glad to have had that growing up because I am able to talk about it freely with the kids in my youth group. I don’t have to hide behind embarrassment or shame that it is a taboo topic. I like that they can ask me those questions without fear of being told it was wrong to wonder and wrong to ask. I like that I am able to give them the answers to the best of my knowledge on the issue. I think teenage years are confusing and some of those emotions that you feel during that time can be really wacked out and confusing. And to top that all off you’ve got the media to deal with. I’m glad that at least with the youth that I work with it is something that can be talked about.

3) I have never read the scarlet letter and truthfully I doubt I ever will. I’m not too big in the classics. However I like this movie’s spin on it( from what I do know about it). I liked how Olive’s character sees the wrong in her actions and wants to turn it around.

4) There were a couple of parts in the movie that I thought were extremely cool! SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!! DON”T READ ON IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First was how she recognized the power of her words in the movie whether it be thru gossip or through her words to others.   The prime example of this is when she tells her favorite teacher about his wife and the student. The second thing i loved was the guy who plays in gossip girls role. I can’t remember his name in the movie I just know he played in the t.v. show. Anyways, I liked how he didn’t get involved in the gossip and totally pulled the classic John Cusack ”Say Anything” Moment with speakers outside of her bedroom. Yea it was predictable but total pulled the movie full circle!

5) I loved the cast of this movie…you’ve got, Emma Stone, guy from Gossip Girl, Amanda Bynes and Ally from Ally and AJ/Phil of the Future! Just a great fun cast!

Anyways that’s my opinion on the movie…it was just plain fun! But as a christian I will say you need to go into the movie with a good sense of humor and a willingness to laugh at the stereotype. And also I think that you need to be prepared to use this movie as a witness in this aspect to. Help to break down the stereotype! Let people know not all Christian’s are like Amanda Bynes character and that there is hope in our Lord! Anyways totally check out this movie because it rocks!

KJ

“Killing Britney” by Sean Olin Book Review December 28, 2010

Two posts in one day! Wow aren’t you guys lucky!

Synopsis: Britney has worked hard to transform her life from geekdom to popularity! But it seems that ever since this has happen her life has been covered in tragedy. First her mother’s death and now the death of her boyfriend, Ricky.  As more people die it looks as if Britney has become the target.

So this book will be my first bad book review…I say this with much sadness but I simply just did not like this book. Normally I love psychological thrillers so I was surprised by my distaste for this book. It wasn’t that it was not good it just seemed to have some character flaws.

1) The plot was choppy. I felt it jumped from one scene to the next too quickly

2) Not much on the explanation of characters and their feelings. It didn’t really give you a good sense of who the characters were and what they were thinking.

3) There was something odd about the third person writing. I never put my finger on it and still can’t. But it just seemed like it lacked.

4) The ending. I just didn’t like how it ended.

Now since I said some rough stuff about the book…let me try to balance that out with some good. So here is what I like about the book…

1) Britney’s transformation from geek to popular. She doesn’t give up her best friend in the transition. Also I like that in the beginning of the book she knew who she was (or so it seemed) and said “no” to the things she didn’t want to do.

2) Adam’s Character – While undeveloped, he really like music and was trying to turn his life around. I also like the transition him and Britney had from being childhood friends to teenage friend.

3)Murders – They were pretty awesome

Okay so in star rating I would give it a 2 out of 5 stars. It kept me captivated but overall was a disappointment.

Until next time…

KJ

“I am Number Four” by Pittacus Lore Book Review December 28, 2010

Sorry Folks! I know it’s been forever since I posted…but here is my book review on the super cool sci-fi thriller “I am Number 4!”

Quick Synopsis: Number 4 goes by John. He escaped with 8 other children and their Keepers from the planet Lorien during an attack by the people from the planet Mogadore. These children, also known as the Garde, have special powers that help them fight. John and the other Lorien kids have been protected by many Loradic charms and sent to earth to help continue the Lorien race.  One of the charms is that the Lorien kids must stay separated. If they do they can only be killed in sequential order. They are able to keep track of who has been killed because each time it happens a ring is burned into one of their legs. The book begins with John finding out that the first three have been killed which means that he is next. Him and his keeper, Henri, take off again to the small town of Paradise, Ohio.

So that was a pretty lame synopsis…mostly because it was hard to word. There are just so many awesome, intricate details in the book I just want to write about them all. But don’t worry I will not. You deserve to be able to discover them as you read this amazing book! So, here are the things I liked about this book….

1) Great story line – It seems that every detail had been worked out before the book was ever written. Everything from the cultures of the planets Lorien and Mogadore to how John and Henri were able to stay running for so long. The book was an adventure from the first paragraph and lead you through in a steady pace. The writer would withhold information from you for just the right amount of time before letting you experience it though John’s eyes.

2) John’s Character – It goes really deep! You are able to see his frustrations, hopes and dreams through Pittacus Lore’s writing. I also like the coming of age aspect in it. Even though this is not a coming of age novel that same type of moment happens. John learns to step out of the shadows he’s so careful kept himself hidden in and stand up for who and what he believes in.

3) John and Sam’s Friendship - Sam is your typical dork! He loves aliens and isn’t afraid to be open about it. I like how John embraces Sam and becomes friends with him. I like how their friendship progress through the book and how Sam is such a strong yet unexpected sidekick character.

4) Physiological aspect – I liked how John deals with his role as “number 4″ and that he is next in line to be killed. I like how he deals with the frequent moves. And, I like how he deals with coming into his powers.

5) The fact that there is a sequel – yep! That means there is more to come and I can’t wait!

and last but not least…..

6) ON FEBRUARY 11, 2011, “I AM NUMBER FOUR” hits the big screen and I get to see it in all it’s cinematic glory!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!

Okay that’s all for this post!

KJ

“The Summer Of Skinny Dipping” by Amanda Howells Book Review December 23, 2010

Okay guys! This book is a MUST READ! I don’t even know where to start on this blog because this book was that good!!!!!! Perfect blend of heartache, romance, growing up, and learning to deal. The title is totally misleading. It has very little to do with Skinny Dipping, instead it’s a beautiful coming of age novel.

So we will start with a short synopsis:

Mia is 16 and going with her family  to stay for the summer and visit her aunt, uncle and cousin’s at their house in the Hampton’s. Mia and Corrine (her cousin) have been best friends their whole lives and are inseparable each summer in the Hampton’s. That is, until this summer. immediately when Mia gets there everything is different. Corrine is different, her parent’s act different…and nothing is like it used to be. Then comes Simon, the boy whose family is renting the house next door. Mia and Simon quickly become friends and soon find love during their midnight meeting at Indigo beach.

Okay now for my opinions:

First off let’s get into this skinny dipping business. There really isn’t much of it in the book. That’s where I say the title is misleading. However with that being said I still firmly believe it is the PERFECT title for this book. There also is not a mention of sex. Now it does somewhat infer but never says that it happens at all. There are no romantic heavy petting scene or anything like that. So YAY!!!! There is a lot of kissing!!!! So I like that you get a romantic vibe without going overboard. Now some of you might say…”Wait…but they were skinny dipping???” Well yes they were but  at the same time it wasn’t about it being sexual. It was about being bold and courageous and trying something new and exciting. So I have to say it’s much better than what we would normally read.

Now to get on with things…This is a great coming of age novel. It is full of age-old wisdom that took me YEARS to learn. I’m going to have to reread this book just to pull out all the amazing quotes! It was like Amanda Howells knew everything teenage years teach you and has this girl learn them all in one summer. Here is an example of  one of those quotes:

“As I learned that summer, so are a lot of things. Everything and everyone is only how you perceive them to be. If you’re looking up at someone on a pedestal, they seem impossibly high, impossibly far. If you’re looking down at someone, they become small and unimportant. There’s no complete truth. There’s only the way you see it, the way you remember it.”

Here’s another one:

“This is why you have to live inside each beautiful or terrible thing as it happens to you, because the present may be all you’ve got. And if there’s more ahead, then the present is where you can really shape your future.”

I mean seriously…how beautiful are those quotes! The book is full of them…plus a huge romantic love story and we all know what a sucker I am for a good love story!

The other thing I liked about this book was the characters. Each had their own quirks that made them unique and fun. I really like Mia. She was self-confident to everyone else but doubted herself a lot. She didn’t see her confidence for what it was. She love oceanography and stars and knew tons of random facts about both and gave that knowledge to whoever she was talking to like it was second nature. It made her charming and endearing. I also loved how reserved she was about going skinny dipping. I liked the internal struggle she gave and I liked the fact that she didn’t go skinny dipping with Simon first, and even after her first experience with it she still didn’t go skinny dipping with him until she felt ready. I liked that it was about her comfort level and how she handled and talked to Simon about the subject. Mia was intriguing because she didn’t fall into your normal pattern of changing herself to meet other’s expectations. She would see herself start but after a few days of it she just walked away and did something else.

Overall this book was a A++++++ on the Karen grading scale! Everyone should read it because it is amazing!

Until next time…

KJ